Struggle

I've spent the past week bouncing around 170. I thought I had broken through for 2 days where I was down to 169.8 and 169.2, but then I ate chinese food and bounced back up to the 172 range. It has gotten colder so my fingers have been freezing making it hard to get up and do anything.
I've noticed that one of the hardest things to overcome is the self sabotage. I get the feeling that I'm worthless and there's no point in doing this, putting in all this work. It feels like one slip up will make this house of cards tumble.
I've been feeling very unwanted lately, I'm starved for attention but in no position to get any. I wonder if I'm the only one out there with these feelings. Plenty of people are single and fine. Not pining away or really wishing they had someone to hold and kiss them.
I don't want to settle but I also didn't expect to be this age and with no romantic prospects. I feel like I'm in a bad movie where the key to my partner's happiness is the person they find soon after me. If it really was a movie then a handsome costar would be around the corner waiting to sweep me off my feet. And this is how I know this isn't a movie. He's not there.
I shouldn't rely on a man to fix my problems but I have yet to find the secret of not desiring one. One of the upsides to being fat was even though no one wanted me, my libido was in the toilet. Now it's up and I'm still unwanted.
I'm not normal so how can I expect to have normal? Is there a nice handsome guy out there who speaks Japanese and enjoys this brand of crazy?
I've decided to go back to square one. When I first started this thing my mom gave me some advice on what to eat from a 17 day diet book she read. What to eat each day:

+Liberal amounts of protein & cleansing vegetables
+two servings natural starch
+two low sugar fruit servings
+two servings of probiotic food
+one daily serving of friendly fat

Wake up and drink 8 ounce hot water with 1 lemon squeezed into it. Drink 7 glasses of water

So now I'm trying to bring up the amount of vegetables I eat and I need to adjust the probiotics too. I've been getting at least one serving a day but I need to fit in that second one.

Today I ate oatmeal with protein powder, fiber and honey in it for breakfast (around noon) and that held me until Lunch ( around 1700) which was a shake with protein powder, fiber, frozen strawberry slices, spirulina, and yogurt.

Dinner (about 2300) was one egg with two egg whites scrambled with cheese cooked with olive oil, string beans with pepper and some tomatoes and chilies from a can.

So I had protein and veggies, one serving of starch (which I will leave it at I don't want two)
My serving of fruit wasn't low sugar but i got one serving, one serving of probiotics and a serving of fat (I'm calling olive oil friendly)
I did drink my water and lemon for breakfast.

Hopefully I can keep this up for the next several days (until thanksgiving) and I will show an improvement.

I don't really want to eat for thanksgiving even though people tend to feel sorry for you if you don't go be with people. People are overrated and won't help me stick to such a strict diet. What I really want to do is treat myself to homemade vegetable (maybe meat) lasagna.
I plan on getting some zucchinis to use in place of the pasta, get some more cheese from the health food store, and possibly use some of the frozen meatballs I had made a while ago, along with frozen veggies.

wish me luck!